Huh?

So, y'all know how much I love Kim Kardashian (I'm a big sucker for big hair and that smoke-eye-whore look), but homegirl had a kinda cuckoo moment that has been disturbing me ... mostly because I really like her and this post made me feel ick.

Anyway, most people take to their blogs to refute negative rumors, like "you're fat" or preggers or so-and-so broke up. That kinda stuff. She takes to her blogs to inform people that she is, in fact, still wearing fur. Which is weird to me cuz the rumor was that she quit wearing fur ... which is a positive, right?? Don't we want to encourage an image (even a fake one) that you don't kill cute furry animals? I just thought it was such a weird twisted PR move. Or, is it just me? Well, read for yourself here: http://kimkardashian.celebuzz.com/2009/01/rumor-control-i-have-not-given.php

I know, slow news day plus boredom equals more random thoughts. Maybe I will sit around and pontificate on the correct plural usage of Mentos (yes, the candy).

Random thought of the day ...

Ever try conjugating the verb "shrink"?

Yesterday I kept walking around saying over and over again: shrink, shrank, shrunk ... shrink, shrank, shrunk ...

And then I thought to myself, "is that even right?" So I started to do full sentences, like, "if you wash it in hot water, it will shrink" and "hot water shrank my shirt" and "the shirt shrunk" ... anyway, it sounds funny, no?

I know, total waste of time. But seriously, doesn't "shrunk" or "shrank" sound funny to you? Well, say it a few times and you'll also start to feel like your vocabulary is all messed up.

Et tu Daschle?

Another one bites the dust in Obamaville today. Actually, another two bite (or is it bit?) the dust but we only really care about the former Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle. The other lady who got ding'd cuz of her tax problems (she was slated as the Chief Performance Officer or something like that) really lucked out, cuz now she can return to obscurity.

(AP Photo)

Why oh why did you not pay your taxes, Mr. Daschle?!? And seriously, Obama transition-vetting-team? How did you guys not find this out?? This leads me to the conclusion that the transition team is not composed of lawyers because the first rule I learned when I began practicing law was this: find out all the dirty facts from your client and figure out how to spin it ... and if you can't, then let's talk settlement.


Obama, you need me and I'm in love with you, so this will be a perfect partnership. Call me.

My computer has an STD

*Sigh* You read it correctly, yes, an STD.

How you ask? Well, since I am in a career crisis and the current state of our economy is not so conducive to starting anew, I had to figure out some creative ways to avoid eviction. I saw this too-good-to-be-true Craigslist posting looking for writers/bloggers/reviewers for "adult dating sites," which I initially -- and naively -- thought were sites like eharmony or match.com. Haha. Stupid, right?

Anyway, turns out they wanted me to review porn sites ... you know, "find a sex partner in your city today!" type of sites. I popped into one of them to check it out, figuring I'd just write a review and see what happens. I like porn and I like to write ... and I don't mind finding a new sex partner, so why not check it out? All made a lot of sense in my head at the time.

BIG MISTAKE. My computer is now under attack from various viruses ... yikes. Not to worry, lucky for me, I got to take home the laptop I used during the Obama campaign whilst in Ohio (courtesy of the campaign) that has a clean bill of health.

New lesson for the week: you need to practice safe sex even in the internet world.

I want to have Kobe's baby

I know there are a lot of Kobe haters out there, and while it is not like me to talk about sports (thus, the reason for the absence of any discussion re the Superbowl), Kobe is a whole different matter. Cuz, well, its Kobe ... and he's a hottie. And hotties are my specialty.

So, stop drinking the haterade. I don't care what anyone says ... that whole anal-sex-with-the-Colorado-white-girl was NOT rape. Any visit to an athlete's room after 2 a.m. and then going to a party bragging about said visit post sexual encounter, and then engaging in another alleged sexual tryst, means that one was probably not raped. But, I digress ... that was many settlements ago and I've let that ugly history go.

Back to the point of this post. I read on HuffPo that dude just set a record with 61 points scored in a game! Holy shizz.

Did I mention he's a hottie?

(AP Photo/Kathy Willens)

Do we really care that Phelps took a hit?

The blogosphere, courtesy of News of the World and Pink Is The New Blog, has been blazing with news reports of Olympian hottie Michael Phelps smoking out at some party. Ugh, do we care?

I was going to let this go, but there's been talks of suspension plus endorsement deals gone sour. Now, if dude was taking steroids or some drug that made him swim faster than any other human being on earth, then yeah, sure, let's shatt on him some more. BUT DUDE WAS SMOKING SOME HERB. I highly doubt Ms. Mary Jane does anything to shave off seconds of his world record time.

Man is part fish, so if he wants to smoke, let him.

Drinking is all bad.

So, I am back in San Francisco this weekend, which OF COURSE means a trip to the farmer's market at the Embarcadero on Saturday morning for the oh-so-delicious porchetta sandwich. I think if I could be in love with a food item, it would be this sandwich.

BUT, a night out on the town with some former co-workers rendered me abso-fricken-lutely useless come Saturday. And not just Saturday morning ... ALL DAY Saturday. I couldn't even move. I couldn't even eat! I couldn't even make it out to see my delicious porchetta. I'm sorry dear porchetta.

Even worse than missing out on porchetta while I'm here in San Francisco? I couldn't even enjoy the incredible ass spanking that UCLA Men's B-ball delivered to Stanford on Saturday! I usually like to do a really obnoxious Balki-esque dance of joy around the house with lots of random "suck its!" in front of Whitestar's face, but couldn't even manage one pitiful taunt.

Lesson for the day? Beer before liquor, never been sicker.