Sad. Sad. Sad.

Gawd, the world sucks. Did you hear the latest on this Slumdog Millionaire child star? While the flick made a gazillion dollars around the world, received Oscars galore, and drew attention to the slums of Mumbai, it is sad to say that the children of this movie just can't catch a break in life.

Over the weekend, we learned that the father of Rubina Ali has put his daughter up for sale/adoption at the whopping price of 200,000 pounds! The optimistic side of me wants to believe that he's making the ultimate sacrifice for his daughter ... giving her up so that she can actually have a real fighting chance of getting out of the slums. The cynical -- and sometimes more realistic -- side of me knows that while she may find a decent family because of her notoriety, there are tens of thousands of other little girls who are trafficked every day as sex slaves and that when the media stops following her story, she may also fall victim to this modern day slavery.

I don't know what to make of this, but the media is portraying papa as a sleazy selfish dude who finally found his meal ticket. Just sad and depressing all around at whatever angle you take it. Depressing that there is such extreme poverty and suffering in the world where a father has to give up his daughter. Depressing that there is a father who would be willing to sell his flesh and blood to the highest bidder, knowing that her future may be one of slavery and rape. Depressing that there exists sickos in the world who keep the sex trafficking of children alive and well in 2009.

Yep, the world sure does suck.

Can Something Dirty Ever Be Healthy?

Ever since watching dirty rice be prepared on The Food Network on both Home Cooking with the Neelys and Paula Deen, I've been really craving southern and cajun/creole cooking. After the pimple on the lip from excessive fried chicken eating (I haven't used my deep fryer since), I thought it was probably a good idea to maybe try to be a little smarter in my food choices. Broke and unemployed means I don't have the luxury of buying new clothes so I better try to fit in the clothes I do have! And since my Friday night consisted of me, myself, and I, it seemed like a good time as any to experiment in creating a healthier-yet-tasty version of dirty rice.

Traditional dirty rice is prepared with pork sausage and chicken liver with the holy trinity of veggies in New Orleans cooking -- bell pepper, celery, and onion -- and sometimes all cooked in bacon fat. Mix in a couple cups of white rice, a small pat of butter, salt and pepper to taste and garnish with chopped parsley. Simple and really yummy. I could eat this all the time!! But, I was trying to avoid eating too much white rice, pork sausage tends to be way fatty, and bacon fat is deadly. And what to do with the chicken liver? While I love eating pate, I've never cooked chicken liver before and wasn't ready to dump a whole lotta food if I didn't like it.

I ended up substituting in cajun chicken sausage and ground chicken in lieu of the pork sausage and liver, and went with brown rice cooked in chicken broth to substitute for the white rice. To cut calories, I cooked my veggies in olive oil instead of the bacon drippings. I also eliminated the addition of the butter at the end to cut additional calories ... while the butter adds subtle flavor and gloss, it won't make or break your dish. To add extra flavor and heat, I figure it couldn't ever be wrong to add cayene pepper to a New Orleans dish. The end result? DELICIOUS! It was definitely missing the distinct flavor of the chicken liver, but I didn't mind. Plus, the brown rice upped the nutrition value since its so packed with fiber and I wasn't consuming extra fat from the bacon grease.

You know, a few years ago, I would never be caught home on a Friday night in LA, but these days getting dirty on Friday night alone actually wasn't so bad. AACK! Did I just say that?!? Maybe today is the day I get an extra pair of stretchy pants and look for that bird ...

Goodbye Solo ... eh.

A couple of nights ago, the Do-Gooder and I went on a movie date to check out Goodbye Solo at Sunset 5 Laemmle.



I think I've either outgrown these indie flicks where I have to sit around and come up with my own theories and interpretations, or I've really gotten that lazy where I don't even want to use my brain to analyze themes in a film. Probably the latter -- fart jokes and an explosion with a gratuitous boob flash is all I'm capable of these days.

The movie is about the unlikely friendship between a Senegalese cab driver and a crabby persnickety old Southern white man, each of whom appear to be at the crossroads of their lives. In case you ever watch it, I won't give away the details but I do have one piece of advice. If you're feeling sort of down or maybe lost in life, do not -- I repeat DO NOT -- go watch this film. Just a one way train of depression.

Harry Potter!

I just saw the latest trailer of the new Harry Potter movie on E! and Pink Is The New Blog and ... IT LOOKS GREAT! But, I am a geeky fan so, truth be told, I'd probably watch it even if it looked crappy.



Wooing, good thing you're back in LA so that you can accompany me and your hubby to the midnight showing on opening night. You know you loved it last time, and didn't it feel good to stay relevant and be able to converse about the movie with your co-workers the next morning? Granted, we don't have co-workers anymore ... but at least we can still try to be hip like the kids these days.

Even POTUS Pays His Fair Share.

The internet has been buzzing about the Obama tax returns, and looks like even the President could not evade the IRS. The Obamas paid a whopping $855,323 in federal income tax ... yowzers. They did pull in about $2.6 million so I guess its all relative, but just the number of $850K in taxes was kind of shocking.

To see the charitable donations the Obama family made, read the full article at HuffPo here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/15/obama-tax-returns-for-200_n_187420.html

Maynard!

Look at this precious gem! The arrival of a new dog in the White House made me yearn for a furry animal again, which led into a 3 hour search online for dog adoptions, and finally to Maynard.

Isn't she precious? You can find her and other lovable dogs at www.perfectpetrescue.com!

Anderson Cooper Knows About Tea Bagging!

Aw, this is why I love this man ... how many people do you know can say tea bagging on national television and still sound kind of professional?

To Watch Or Not To Watch.

NOOOOOO!!! Oh my gawd ... Octomom is getting a reality show or what she calls "a documentary" of her children. Why watch Octomom when we already have the Duggars and Jon & Kate Plus 8?

The Lessons Of Sex And The City

I discovered that Time Warner cable has finally done something good for me, and I may now forgive them for all their past wrongs against me, particularly for the cable guy that took 6 months to come.

Why the sense of forgiveness? The "On Demand" function has an HBO On Demand channel where I can watch all the old episodes of Sex And The City whenever I want! And man, are those episodes more relevant to my life than ever before.

I've turned into a 30-something single gal with my profession in shambles and totally lost in love. I have a group of great friends who are moving forward in their lives, our friendships are inevitably changing, and I'm feeling somehow left behind in the single girl world of loserdome without house, husband, or child ... not even a furry animal to take comfort in.

But I do have Sex And The City! The best lesson? If I'm 35 and still alone, I'm totally registering for shoes ... really great Christian Louboutin shoes ... lots of them. And maybe some spas. And maybe a "honeymoon" fund so I can celebrate love for myself while on an African safari in Zimbabwe.

Lollipop Heads On 90210. Gross.

When the 90210 second generation came out, they got a whole lot of shizz for their apparent support for anorexics united. Seriously! The girls on this show are WAY underweight and are that type of gross skinny where your head looks too big for your body ... you know, lollipop heads.

Anyway, tonight welcomed the return of Tori Spelling ... YES! DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES!!! But, she looked weird and I couldn't watch the show. She stood next to Silver, her half-sister-in-law on the show (remember, Kelly Taylor's mom married David Silver's dad and produced a baby?) and it was like watching adult women with prepubescent girl bodies ... ick. Even Spelling's weird fake boobs looked flat! I'm pretty sure when your big fake boobies no longer look fake or big because of some extreme weight loss, its time to eat a burger.

Lindsay Lohan on eHarmony?!?

Amidst all the rumors of boozing, restraining orders, and all around cuckoo stalker behavior, Lindsay Lohan made a response video on Funny or Die ... she still looks off-balanced and like she's about to cut someone, but at least she can joke about the pending relapse/breakdown.

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

Is Stringer Bell Worth $12?

So, my ultimate dream guy Stringer Bell (real name Idris Elba) from the best show ever seen on television, The Wire, (well, aside from Quantum Leap) is in a new movie with Beyonce and Ali Larter called "Obsessed" which is coming out in the next couple of weeks. Check out the trailer below:



Yes, we're talking about what looks to be a major craptastic movie. And on top of it, looks like Stringer has shaved his goatee off and now kinda looks funny ... more corporate and less drug dealer. Not sure if I like this new look. And, lest you have already forgotten, I am broke and unemployed so not sure if I want to spend my 20 duckets on a snoozer like this when I can eat for a week.

Alright, who am I kidding?? I'm TOTALLY going to watch it with Happy Blind Bat, who is a great movie date except for the fact that she hates eating my dry, butter-free popcorn. It has now become tradition for me to order it, and for her to eat a handful so that she can complain about how dry the popcorn is. It ain't a movie without popcorn folks!

Chris Brown Finds New Victim ...

Yowzers. The blogosphere is reporting that Chris Brown has found a new girlfriend, or as some cynics would say (including me), a new girl to lash out at. Oddly enough, the new girlfriend is allegedly Natalie Mejia, the dumb Latina chick from the reality-show-turned-pop-group Girlicious. You know, the one who made this insightful observation: "Beauty is a talent." And, because it is too good to miss, here's a refresher ...

Yeah, clearly she's not the brightest chick around ... as evidenced by her choice of boyfriends. But even dumb arrogant chicks like Natalie don't deserve an ass whooping from their boyfriends, so in feminine solidarity, I hope someone in the Girlicious camp puts an end to this shenanigan soon.

Wee-Wee Pads In The White House?

The First Puppy! The cutie patootie's name is Bo, named after Bo Diddley and Michelle Obama's late father whose nickname was Diddley.

Bo's no Maynard but super cute nevertheless.







When do you think we can expect to hear about a puppy accident in the Oval Office?

Be A Part Of The Phenomenon!

If you haven't already heard, this lady Susan Boyle is going to be a phenomenon. I first saw her on Sunday morning after catching the clip on Perez Hilton, and at that time, she only had a few thousand hits on YouTube. Today? Over 1.7 MILLION HITS!!

All the judges and the entire crowd sitting in Britain's Got Talent wrote her off as a total loser because she's kinda weird looking, unemployed, older, and lives with her cat Pebbles. I also was expecting a really terrible performance, especially when she said she was gonna sing I Dreamed A Dream from Les Miserables. Good luck with that, lady ... its a rare breed who can pull off that song.

But then she sang this, and it became crystal clear that she was in fact a rare breed:

Susan Boyle Sings on Britain's Got Talent 2009 Episode 1 @ Yahoo! Video

AMAZING. AMAZING. AMAZING. I was mad boo-hooing at the end of this. I love a good underdog story and I really hope she wins the competition!!

For the full video with Susan's background and full judge's comments, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY.

Pet Peeve of the Day.

Aside from toothpaste residue in the sink, my biggest pet peeve ever is when someone mispronounces my last name AFTER I've already told them the correct pronunciation of it. Why do people do this? Like they know better than I do how to pronounce my name ... right, because I've only had it ALL MY EFFIN LIFE.

Here's the convo that went down at the Jiffy Lube at the corner of La Brea & Melrose:

Jiffy Lube: What's your first and last name?
Me: Its blah blah blah Winner ... and then I spell it for him
Jiffy Lube: Oh, you mean blah blah blah (mispronouncing name)
Me: NO sir, I mean blah blah Winner and then I continue to pronounce it correctly again
Jiffy Lube: Really? Its not blah blah (mispronouncing name again)
Me: Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure I know how to pronounce my name. YOU might want to learn how to pronounce it.
Jiffy Lube: Sure, thanks Ms. Winner (mispronouncing name again)

I'm probably more annoyed than I should be, probably because I read this awful article about this congress lady from Texas, Betty Brown (that's real original), who thinks Asians should change their name to something more convenient for poll workers. Yes, that's for real. And yes, this is 2009. Check it out here: http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/6365320.html

The Sanctity Of Marriage ... Is CRAP.

Now that gay marriage has become a hot topic given the latest state laws officially recognizing gay marriages, the cuckoos are out in full force. My biggest gripe with these traditionalists? Their need to change the conversation so that they become the victims.

Um, last I heard, I don't know many gays going around bashing heterosexuals. But, I do hear lots of stories of discrimination and violence perpetuated against the LBGT community. Sorry, when the majority starts to whine and cry about other people reaching equality status, I just don't feel bad ... not in the slightest.

And the idea that gay marriage is gonna somehow threaten "traditional" marriage? Uh, hello ... isn't the divorce rate way over 50%? Let's be real; heterosexuals were and are destroying the sanctity of marriage all on their own ... no need to get any help from the LBGT community in this arena. Some lady on Hardball with Chris Matthews today was yapping about how the definition of marriage is going to change forever for everyone ... DUH. Of course its gonna change! That's the point of legally recognizing gay marriages. As for the religious nuts, give me a fricken break. There's something called separation of church and state friends ... I know this concept has been lost somewhere along the way, but if the church wants to engage in state and public affairs, they have to abide by those damn secular man-made laws ... praying to God will not avoid those pesky taxes. Trust me, I've tried and the IRS apparently doesn't answer to God.

Sorry for the diatribe, but this issue totally makes my blood boil. I just don't see how recognizing gay marriages to give legal status for gay couples is going to somehow strip me of my right as a woman to marry a man. Oh right! It doesn't! Maybe it makes too much sense that its hard for people to comprehend?

I've Been Tortured.

Self-inflicted, of course. I finally couldn't take it anymore and made the trek to Pink Cheeks in Sherman Oaks for a waxing. I've been going here for almost 3 years, and it does not matter ... the pain is always the same and the fear does not stop. I get hella nerves when I'm driving there and kinda have to hype myself up for it ... like I'm going to battle! Weird or normal?

I blame porn and Playboy for setting this awful grooming standard.

Spencer Is The Best Villain EVER.

Man-oh-man! I finally got to watch the Season 5 premiere of The Hills ... and as always, guaranteed drama in the Speidi world.

Gawd, Spencer is sooooo wicked!!! I have to admit that half the fun in watching the show is to see the outrageous and delusional antics of Mr. Spencer Pratt, particularly how he's always disowning his sister in every other episode. The show would be way boring without the drama Spencer brings. And by the way, I frequent The Dime (where Spencer flirted with the bartender and then fist fight ensued with Cameron) and now need to make a point to stop by there soon to check out the bartender that sparked the season premiere. Let's see if chick really works there or "worked" there as part of The Hills. Wouldn't be surprised if she was just planted there for a couple of episodes ... how do I get that gig?

Heidi and Audrina, as also predicted, are part of Snore Fest 2009. They just are so dreadfully yawn-full ... seriously, let's give credit where credit is due. Spencer made Heidi interesting. Audrina? I read somewhere in one of the gossip blogs where a blogger called her Ceiling Eyes ... HAHAHAHA. What a perfect description. I never could pinpoint what was wrong with her but I knew it was in the eyes. Doesn't matter in LA ... a smokin' hot body can take you the distance.

Junk TV Orgasm

I just got back to LA after a 10 day trip to San Francisco, and I have a lot of catching up to do on my DVR! As Whitestar would say, I'm having a "junk TV orgasm." He hates everything I watch, and I can't watch anything anyways since March Madness and Madden pretty much monopolizes any TV time so whenever I get back to my place, I spend a good 15 hours watching TV. Its kinda like heaven.

So, what's new? The Tudors is back!! Yay! I absolutely love love love this show. Jonathan Rhys Meyer has some crazy coked up eyes, but he plays a damn sexy King Henry. I think it sucks that Anne Boleyn got her head chopped off in Season 2 cuz I thought that actress was awesome, but that's the way history goes. I'm not sure how I feel about the new Queen ... we'll see how the season progresses but there's already boobs and mistresses in the next episode so sounds promising. Royalty, scandal, sex ... LOVE IT!

This new 90210 is kinda bleh. I think my love affair with it is over ... I used to watch the original 90210 religiously! Like when it was on FX, Mama Philly Pinot and I would watch 5 hours of it because they would play reruns in the morning, afternoon, and then a new episode at night. *sigh* Those were the good days ...

I'm finally all caught up on Real Housewives of NYC ... the tennis match with Simon is kinda hilarious. He sure is a character! American Idol ... I really like that Allison chick, but let's be real ... Adam is gonna win the whole shebang. Uh, he sang one of my favorite songs EVER a couple of weeks ago and just killed Tracks of my Tears!! Dude, if Smokey Robinson gives you a standing ovation, you pretty much should win the show.

Keeping Up With The Kardashians is still crazy as ever ... I love all their clothes and shoes. Man, I miss shopping. I've been thinking of Kim Kardashian's Shoe Dazzle where they send you a pair of shoes every month and subscription to the online gig is $39/month ... not bad, and she rocked a cute pair of shoes the other day. Did I mention that I miss shopping?!?

I still have a few hours of Heroes, Law & Order: SVU, and How I Met Your Mother left to watch ... when you don't have a job, you sure do have a lot of free time to watch pretty much anything and everything on TV. Now if I can only parlay that into a paying gig ...

Kumar Doesn't Go To White Castle ... Goes To White House.

That's right! It is not a new movie title, but actor Kal Penn is off to the White House. How awesome is that?!?

Kal lived on my floor in Rieber Hall at UCLA, so big ups to the Bruin alum! He spent a lot of time in Iowa during the primaries and the general election, and now he's been tapped to be Associate Director in the White House Office of Public Liason.

I don't watch House, but apparently the suicide exit of his character was not pleasantly accepted by fans of the show. Well, maybe it can be like Melrose Place and the suicide was all a ruse and he can re-emerge in a couple of years as having been in an eye-witness protection program ... or was that an episode of Law & Order: SVU? Anyway, magic of television people ... he's not really dead, so fret not -- he may eventually return.

Good luck, Kal! I guess its safe to say that there will not be any Harold & Kumar movies for awhile ... bummer. I guess serving your country is more important than making movies about weed and hamburgers ... I guess.

Check out the full article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/07/kal-penn-leaving-house-fo_n_183904.html

My New Love Of Life ... Dhani Jones.

I know, I make claims just about every other day on finding a new love of my life but I can't help it ... I'm just a romantic at heart. Or desperate. Same-same.

Have you seen Dhani Tackles The Globe on the Travel Channel? So this pro football player, Dhani Jones, travels the world and takes on various country's national sport. It just premiered this season and so far he's done muay thai in Thailand, Rugby in England, Dragon Boat Racing in Singapore, and some kind of man-grunt-wrestling-in-saw-dust in Switzerland. On top of the sport that he trains for, Dhani also tours the city he's in which always leads to some sort of funny encounter with locals and exotic foods.

Oh, and did I mention that he's a certified Grade A hottie?!? Man, is he scrumptious. I did go a little stalker on him and googled him for about two hours the other day ... hey, cut me a break. My boyfriend is a commitment-phobe, all my friends are married with babies, and I've gained about 15 pounds of recession-depression-related weight.

Watch him!! I guarantee you'll love it as much as I do. It usually follows Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman, my other fav Travel Channel show.

Wait, is this a bad sign? Oh lord, I'm already in stretchy pants and now I'm watching the Travel Channel pretty regularly ... oh my gawd. I've done lost it.

Should I Be Getting Mating Advice From Oprah?

While I am unemployed and broke, the upside to my dismal state is that I get to watch Oprah all the time. Today's topic? How do we pick our mates?

Interestingly, turns out that being on birth control is inhibiting my ability to find the right mate! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT?!? I spend all these years trying to avoid the accidental knock up until I find the love of my life, and it turns out the pill is actually prohibiting me from finding that love of my life ... *sigh* ... the story of my life, friends.

Apparently, I'm more attractive to men when I am ovulating because I give off certain hormones that tell men I'm ready for procreation ... which apparently is a hot thing and brings out the animalistic side of men to want me. The fancy pants word: reproductive viability. BUT, the pill alters my hormones and so I'm not giving off those all important phermones. AND, on top of it, the pill also prohibits my ability to DETECT the "right" scents of my mates.

Bottom line? Basic survivor skills: I am supposed to be attracted to hormones that are the opposite of mine so as to create a better genetic offspring. The damn pill instead causes me to be attracted to scents that are similar to mine, which studies have found led to MORE INFIDELITY AND MARITAL DISCORD. Finally, a scientific explanation for all my crappy relationships!

Does this mean that I'm attracted to losers because I'm a loser? Or does this mean I have to get off the pill?

2009 is proving to be the worst year ever ... and its only the beginning of April.

Jon & Kate ... Troubles?

Word on the street is that there is trouble in the world of Jon & Kate Plus 8 ... NOOOOOO!! I love and adore this show and couple, even if Kate can be a total nag and Jon a little lazy with the child rearing.

Allegedly, Jon was out partying with some college chicks at a bar and some anonymous rat said that Jon was complaining about his marriage. Hmmm, sounds totally normal to me. I don't go a day without complaining about Whitestar and/or Blackstar ... and pretty much any other jerk I've ever dated. So does this mean they're breaking up? Probably not, but I don't like that the speculation has hit the tabloids.

Jon & Kate breaking up would be like my parents divorcing ... or worse, like the Cosbys breaking up. I'm already bummed out with the economy and don't think I can take another disappointment.

I'm Back! Not a Kell-amity ...

Alright, after a couple of weeks of feeling sorry for myself, I'm back to blogging. Mostly because I have so much to say about Real Housewives of New York! The best clip ever:



First point: TEAM BETHENY ALL THE WAY! Kelly needs to get pushed off her high horse stat. I do give it up to Kelly for having some major cajones ... who schedules a meeting to bitch someone out, and then shows up late to said meeting. That's pretty awesome ... an extra douchey move for a douchey meeting.

Second point: Countess is getting de-counted ... happy or sad about this development? I'm not sure. Does this mean we can just call her LuAnn now?

Finally: Ramona's husband Mario ... WEIRDO! I love that he considers himself a professional tennis player and is getting his panties in a bunch over the match with Jill (who, by the way, is my WAY favorite!).

I know I shouldn't love this show, but I am addicted ... it is beyond ridiculous and over the top, but SOOOO good.