Spencer Is The Best Villain EVER.

Man-oh-man! I finally got to watch the Season 5 premiere of The Hills ... and as always, guaranteed drama in the Speidi world.

Gawd, Spencer is sooooo wicked!!! I have to admit that half the fun in watching the show is to see the outrageous and delusional antics of Mr. Spencer Pratt, particularly how he's always disowning his sister in every other episode. The show would be way boring without the drama Spencer brings. And by the way, I frequent The Dime (where Spencer flirted with the bartender and then fist fight ensued with Cameron) and now need to make a point to stop by there soon to check out the bartender that sparked the season premiere. Let's see if chick really works there or "worked" there as part of The Hills. Wouldn't be surprised if she was just planted there for a couple of episodes ... how do I get that gig?

Heidi and Audrina, as also predicted, are part of Snore Fest 2009. They just are so dreadfully yawn-full ... seriously, let's give credit where credit is due. Spencer made Heidi interesting. Audrina? I read somewhere in one of the gossip blogs where a blogger called her Ceiling Eyes ... HAHAHAHA. What a perfect description. I never could pinpoint what was wrong with her but I knew it was in the eyes. Doesn't matter in LA ... a smokin' hot body can take you the distance.

Junk TV Orgasm

I just got back to LA after a 10 day trip to San Francisco, and I have a lot of catching up to do on my DVR! As Whitestar would say, I'm having a "junk TV orgasm." He hates everything I watch, and I can't watch anything anyways since March Madness and Madden pretty much monopolizes any TV time so whenever I get back to my place, I spend a good 15 hours watching TV. Its kinda like heaven.

So, what's new? The Tudors is back!! Yay! I absolutely love love love this show. Jonathan Rhys Meyer has some crazy coked up eyes, but he plays a damn sexy King Henry. I think it sucks that Anne Boleyn got her head chopped off in Season 2 cuz I thought that actress was awesome, but that's the way history goes. I'm not sure how I feel about the new Queen ... we'll see how the season progresses but there's already boobs and mistresses in the next episode so sounds promising. Royalty, scandal, sex ... LOVE IT!

This new 90210 is kinda bleh. I think my love affair with it is over ... I used to watch the original 90210 religiously! Like when it was on FX, Mama Philly Pinot and I would watch 5 hours of it because they would play reruns in the morning, afternoon, and then a new episode at night. *sigh* Those were the good days ...

I'm finally all caught up on Real Housewives of NYC ... the tennis match with Simon is kinda hilarious. He sure is a character! American Idol ... I really like that Allison chick, but let's be real ... Adam is gonna win the whole shebang. Uh, he sang one of my favorite songs EVER a couple of weeks ago and just killed Tracks of my Tears!! Dude, if Smokey Robinson gives you a standing ovation, you pretty much should win the show.

Keeping Up With The Kardashians is still crazy as ever ... I love all their clothes and shoes. Man, I miss shopping. I've been thinking of Kim Kardashian's Shoe Dazzle where they send you a pair of shoes every month and subscription to the online gig is $39/month ... not bad, and she rocked a cute pair of shoes the other day. Did I mention that I miss shopping?!?

I still have a few hours of Heroes, Law & Order: SVU, and How I Met Your Mother left to watch ... when you don't have a job, you sure do have a lot of free time to watch pretty much anything and everything on TV. Now if I can only parlay that into a paying gig ...

Kumar Doesn't Go To White Castle ... Goes To White House.

That's right! It is not a new movie title, but actor Kal Penn is off to the White House. How awesome is that?!?

Kal lived on my floor in Rieber Hall at UCLA, so big ups to the Bruin alum! He spent a lot of time in Iowa during the primaries and the general election, and now he's been tapped to be Associate Director in the White House Office of Public Liason.

I don't watch House, but apparently the suicide exit of his character was not pleasantly accepted by fans of the show. Well, maybe it can be like Melrose Place and the suicide was all a ruse and he can re-emerge in a couple of years as having been in an eye-witness protection program ... or was that an episode of Law & Order: SVU? Anyway, magic of television people ... he's not really dead, so fret not -- he may eventually return.

Good luck, Kal! I guess its safe to say that there will not be any Harold & Kumar movies for awhile ... bummer. I guess serving your country is more important than making movies about weed and hamburgers ... I guess.

Check out the full article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/07/kal-penn-leaving-house-fo_n_183904.html

My New Love Of Life ... Dhani Jones.

I know, I make claims just about every other day on finding a new love of my life but I can't help it ... I'm just a romantic at heart. Or desperate. Same-same.

Have you seen Dhani Tackles The Globe on the Travel Channel? So this pro football player, Dhani Jones, travels the world and takes on various country's national sport. It just premiered this season and so far he's done muay thai in Thailand, Rugby in England, Dragon Boat Racing in Singapore, and some kind of man-grunt-wrestling-in-saw-dust in Switzerland. On top of the sport that he trains for, Dhani also tours the city he's in which always leads to some sort of funny encounter with locals and exotic foods.

Oh, and did I mention that he's a certified Grade A hottie?!? Man, is he scrumptious. I did go a little stalker on him and googled him for about two hours the other day ... hey, cut me a break. My boyfriend is a commitment-phobe, all my friends are married with babies, and I've gained about 15 pounds of recession-depression-related weight.

Watch him!! I guarantee you'll love it as much as I do. It usually follows Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman, my other fav Travel Channel show.

Wait, is this a bad sign? Oh lord, I'm already in stretchy pants and now I'm watching the Travel Channel pretty regularly ... oh my gawd. I've done lost it.

Should I Be Getting Mating Advice From Oprah?

While I am unemployed and broke, the upside to my dismal state is that I get to watch Oprah all the time. Today's topic? How do we pick our mates?

Interestingly, turns out that being on birth control is inhibiting my ability to find the right mate! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT?!? I spend all these years trying to avoid the accidental knock up until I find the love of my life, and it turns out the pill is actually prohibiting me from finding that love of my life ... *sigh* ... the story of my life, friends.

Apparently, I'm more attractive to men when I am ovulating because I give off certain hormones that tell men I'm ready for procreation ... which apparently is a hot thing and brings out the animalistic side of men to want me. The fancy pants word: reproductive viability. BUT, the pill alters my hormones and so I'm not giving off those all important phermones. AND, on top of it, the pill also prohibits my ability to DETECT the "right" scents of my mates.

Bottom line? Basic survivor skills: I am supposed to be attracted to hormones that are the opposite of mine so as to create a better genetic offspring. The damn pill instead causes me to be attracted to scents that are similar to mine, which studies have found led to MORE INFIDELITY AND MARITAL DISCORD. Finally, a scientific explanation for all my crappy relationships!

Does this mean that I'm attracted to losers because I'm a loser? Or does this mean I have to get off the pill?

2009 is proving to be the worst year ever ... and its only the beginning of April.

Jon & Kate ... Troubles?

Word on the street is that there is trouble in the world of Jon & Kate Plus 8 ... NOOOOOO!! I love and adore this show and couple, even if Kate can be a total nag and Jon a little lazy with the child rearing.

Allegedly, Jon was out partying with some college chicks at a bar and some anonymous rat said that Jon was complaining about his marriage. Hmmm, sounds totally normal to me. I don't go a day without complaining about Whitestar and/or Blackstar ... and pretty much any other jerk I've ever dated. So does this mean they're breaking up? Probably not, but I don't like that the speculation has hit the tabloids.

Jon & Kate breaking up would be like my parents divorcing ... or worse, like the Cosbys breaking up. I'm already bummed out with the economy and don't think I can take another disappointment.

I'm Back! Not a Kell-amity ...

Alright, after a couple of weeks of feeling sorry for myself, I'm back to blogging. Mostly because I have so much to say about Real Housewives of New York! The best clip ever:



First point: TEAM BETHENY ALL THE WAY! Kelly needs to get pushed off her high horse stat. I do give it up to Kelly for having some major cajones ... who schedules a meeting to bitch someone out, and then shows up late to said meeting. That's pretty awesome ... an extra douchey move for a douchey meeting.

Second point: Countess is getting de-counted ... happy or sad about this development? I'm not sure. Does this mean we can just call her LuAnn now?

Finally: Ramona's husband Mario ... WEIRDO! I love that he considers himself a professional tennis player and is getting his panties in a bunch over the match with Jill (who, by the way, is my WAY favorite!).

I know I shouldn't love this show, but I am addicted ... it is beyond ridiculous and over the top, but SOOOO good.