Edward Cullen is an American Idol?

Randy Jackson and I are totally in sync. What does this mean? It means I should definitely be a judge on this show, cuz we all know that I have my fingers on the pulse of America.

So, American Idol just finished and the last kid on it, Adam Lambert (dude that was a singer in one of my most favorite musicals ever, Wicked), sang the Stones' Satisfaction. The entire time I was saying that he should be cast on Twilight the musical! And then Randy says he was a cross between Mick Jagger, Fall Out Boy, Edward Cullen (!), and My Chemical Romance. HAHA. Major props to me for my deep insight.

What of the others? Did they redeem themselves after the awful 3 beginning singers? Here are my observations:

Allison Irehata: she doesn't just sing ... .girl can saaaannng. Lawd. BUT, I just can't get behind her cuz she looks like she can also be a Bret Michaels Rock of Love chick. Come on! I know she's 16, but hear me out on this ... just picture her with the rest of the Rock of Love girls, drunk, screaming, and of course crying while she tries to rip the weave out of another drunk, screaming, and crying chick. Right?!?

The Corkscrew or Corkskey or whatever her name is girl with the fatty tattoo on her arm: I dig her voice cuz she's got a stank to her that I like, BUT what's up with the weird chicken-duck-tail-wagging move that she was doing during her performance? SO annoying and every time she did it, I wanted to push her. So, I liked you but I can't imagine an entire season watching you do that awful butt shaking move.

I didn't really care for the rest of the "singing" this week. What's up next? THE FINALE OF TOP CHEF! *sigh* I am totally in reality TV heaven right now.

Come On American Idols!

Uh, what the heck is going on American Idol right now?!? We're only three singers in and they all SUCK. Like, embarrassingly suck. Like, you've just brought disgrace to your family kind of suck. Like, time-to-cut-your-hair-and-change-your-appearance kind of suck.

Why am I still watching this show?

Well, there's still an hour and a half left, so I will try to be patient. Please let someone sing a good song or else I will never get these two hours back.

Dog In The Iron Mask

You know I can't go too long before I post another furry creature that I want to adopt. And this week's cutest.dog.ever:

Look at this face! Do you know what this ball of fur made me think of when I first saw the picture? Leonardo DiCaprio in Man In The Iron Mask. RIGHT?!? Remember the part in the movie where they lift the mask off the "good" twin for the first time, and Leo's hair is matted all over his face? THAT'S THIS DOG! I swear. Watch the movie again and you'll most definitely come to the same conclusion.

As always, head over to Perfect Pet Rescue if you can save the pup. And, this time the dog doesn't look like a Maynard to me. I feel like she's more of an Alfonso ... you know, soooo ugly that its kinda cute? That's an Alfonso!

KFC ... I'm Gonna Crack You Soon!

So, I don't have much going on in my life except rejection, stretchy pants, and my creativity. Yeah, you don't need to let me know how awesome I am.

My new totally-random-no-reason-except-I'm-bored-with-a-countertop-deep-fryer obsession? Figuring out KFC's closely guarded 11 secret spices and herbs. Yeah, who's awesome now!!??!!

While I haven't cracked KFC just yet, I think I'm pretty close to Popeye's. My current fried chicken recipe has a nice kick to it in that spicy Popeye-esque way so I'll need to turn down the notch on the heat. Its tasty, but its no KFC and KFC is my gold standard.

Alright, alright. I suppose this may mean I need to get out of the house soon, but this is one project I'm doing for America. And, Barack Obama told me last night that I can't quit on myself cuz then I'll be quitting on America. So there.

Fellas, Some Advice For You.

If your lady is ever having a really awful day, and you don't want to spend several hours talking to her because you can't remove yourself from your Playstation, Wii, or whatever other game console you may be obsessed with, I have a piece of advice for you.

Flowers. It doesn't always work, but it'll mitigate against further damage because she'll hate you a little less when you inevitably say the wrong thing. And, this may prevent her from tossing your video game machine out the window while you sleep.

If you live in la la land, there's an AMAZING floral place called House of Petals. Pricey, but the arrangements are to die for. I know this because I just received flowers from them, and I'm in love. Whitestar, you did good today.

Hells To The Yeah

Love. Love. And love some more that Obama is our president. He's pragmatic, but with the courage to think outside the box for bigger and bolder solutions. AND, I love that he's been working his butt off talking to the American people and working with Congress to try to actually help people like us, and not just them greedy bastards on wall street. He's on TV so often doing town halls, press conferences, and speeches that I almost forget that he's been our President for only four weeks. Remember the last guy we had? Yeah, I pretty much blocked him out of my memory too.

In case you missed it and need to have that love and feeling again, check the video here:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

My favorite line of the night? "CEOs won't be able to use taxpayer money to pad their paychecks or buy fancy drapes or disappear on a private jet. Those days are over." Hells to the yeah.

The Showdown Between Crazy 1 and Crazy 2

I am a glutton for punishment. I blame the depression, loneliness, and this wretched economy. Seriously, I don't want to look but I can't help myself!! This octuplets mess is just SO fricken addictive. But, maybe that's just me. I do watch Maury and can proudly (or with shame) say that I have attended a Jerry Springer show.

Anyway, you MUST go to www.radaronline.com to watch the video of Mom and Grandma to the octuplets. I can't tell if I'm being punk'd or if this is for real, because it is that insane. LOOK AT THEM! That old cliche of the pot calling the kettle black doesn't even come close to describing these two.

ENJOY the two-part series here: http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2009/02/octomom-erupts-video-showdown-with-her-mom-over-babies.php