Chris Brown Finds New Victim ...

Yowzers. The blogosphere is reporting that Chris Brown has found a new girlfriend, or as some cynics would say (including me), a new girl to lash out at. Oddly enough, the new girlfriend is allegedly Natalie Mejia, the dumb Latina chick from the reality-show-turned-pop-group Girlicious. You know, the one who made this insightful observation: "Beauty is a talent." And, because it is too good to miss, here's a refresher ...

Yeah, clearly she's not the brightest chick around ... as evidenced by her choice of boyfriends. But even dumb arrogant chicks like Natalie don't deserve an ass whooping from their boyfriends, so in feminine solidarity, I hope someone in the Girlicious camp puts an end to this shenanigan soon.

Domestic Violence Makes Good Music?

I hate to get on my soapbox, but did you hear this latest shizz on the Rihanna-Chris Brown saga?

They're making a duet! Something about overcoming challenges in their relationship. Lovely. Maybe it should be called "My Fist Loves Your Face Too Much."

*sigh* Seriously, what is wrong with this picture?!? Its been only 4 weeks and they're already in the studio recording together? Truth be told, I don't feel sorry for Rihanna anymore ... she's got millions in the bank with legions of fans praying for her safety and recovery, not to mention that she's garnered the sympathy of pretty much anyone in the industry. So, if she's gonna exploit this whole mess, why not just do it alone? Why share it with the dude that gave you an ass whooping? She could've went the Mary J. Blige route and come out with a "No More Drama" song and it'd become the anthem for survivors. Instant millions.

Justice?

So, the big news of the day thus far is that Chris Brown was charged with two felonies: assault because he clearly kicked Rihanna's ass, and making criminal threats because he said something along the lines of "I'm gonna kill you bitch."

Apparently dude has been giving Rihanna the beat down for quite some time, and all the pics of Rihanna with herpes on her lips? The new rumor is that it actually wasn't herpes but a split lip, courtesy of a Brown beating. *sigh* Rihanna!! Lady, what are you doing?!? He kicked your ass because of a text HE received from another girl? Yeah, that sure makes a lot of sense.

Well, I'm happy to know that LA County District Attorney didn't wuss out and went ahead with charging this douche bucket. Now, we just have to wait to see if Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, John Yoo, and W get indicted for all their handy work in subverting the constitution. You know ... violating civil rights, lying about weapons of mass destruction, committing war crimes, lying some more about it, getting us into a totally unnecessary war costing us almost a trillion buckaroos, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. No, that wasn't a movie ... and yes, it really did happen. Let's cross our fingers that the Justice Department gets it right and then justice really will be served all around.

Perhaps I'll finally regain my belief in the nobility of my profession. HAHAHA ... yeah, right. Sorry, I can't say that with a straight face.

RIHANNA, You Are An Idiot.

Are you kidding me, Rihanna??? After receiving a beat down from Chris Brown, you're going back to him? WHY?!? I tried not to believe the earlier reports, but now there are pics of you and Chris getting on and off a private jet TOGETHER?

(report and picture from TMZ.com)

Lady, I just don't get it. You're hot. You're rich. You have millions of adoring fans. And, did I mention you're rich? So, what's the problem here? Why would you want to publicly humiliate yourself while disappointing your millions of adoring fans and asking to get another beating? Cuz, we all know that this isn't the first time and it sure isn't going to be the last time his fist makes contact with your face. If this is the road you intend to head down, I suggest you get insurance on that money maker of yours stat.

Look, I don't know if the rumors are true, but Rihanna, if you're preggers ... you don't need Chris Brown to raise your kid. Even crazy ass Nadya Suleman who is BROKE and mentally unstable thinks she can raise 14 kids alone. Rihanna, I'm pretty sure you can handle one baby with the 4 nannies that you can afford to hire. It'll be alright so suck it up.

No Effin Way ... I'm Speechless.

I don't know what to say ... this is so fricken crazy!! Can it be true??!!??

I was reading through TMZ and Perez Hilton, and both have posted pictures of the alleged assault on Rihanna by Chris Brown. Holy shizz. Seriously, Chris? What the hell is wrong with you??!!??

Lock him up! And, please please PUH-LEASE Rihanna, do not take that fool back. I know the rumors are already circulating that you've forgiven, but please don't let that be true. You are an international superstar!! If you get back with this douchebag, what does that mean for us hoi polloi??!!??

Rihanna, you are better than this. Keep ya head up and know that the world's got your back.

For reals, Chris Brown?

Yeah, I know its been over a week since the Chris-Brown-Rihanna saga started, but I am really still in disbelief over all of this.

And, Chris Brown has the worst PR staff in the business. When you beat up your girlfriend, this is not an "unfortunate" situtation. And, stop talking about God making you a better person, cuz neither the public nor God wants to hear that you're gonna emerge from this stronger. Uh, you're not the victim here mister. And finally, the its-not-as-bad-as-it-seems crap NEVER works because punching her only once in the face doesn't make it any better.

The latest gossip-psuedo-journalism site that is definitely my number one site to visit for all the crazy gossip in R&B and hip-hop, Media Takeout, is "reporting" that the fight was about HERPES! YES, HERPES! Allegedly, Rihanna got the shizz from Jay Z and she passed it on to Chris Brown, which is why Chris Brown felt the need to give her an ass whooping. Read here for ya self: http://www.mediatakeout.com/2009/30673-top_florida_paper_prints_jay_z-_rihanna_-_chris_brown_herpes_rumor.html

WOW. Yowzers, right?? I don't know if we'll get the real scoop anytime soon, but the saddest part of all of this is that Chris Brown will probably be back making music in a couple of months. Uh, hello, Hollywood doesn't have morals cuz money will buy you out of anything. Woody Allen boned his wife's adopted daughter and people still watch his movies. That Polanski guy has been on the run for years in France because he's a certified child molester, and people still adore his work. And the perfect example that you can always recover from scandal? R. fricken Kelly! That guy was making music while he was still on trial!!!

America, grow a pair and stop supporting these losers.

Are you kidding me, Chris Brown?

As it is Mad Monday Drama, turns out that R&B superstar Chris Brown did not want to feel left out and felt the need to one up the octuplets scoop. So he beat on Rihanna. I guess that's one way to become the talk of the town.

(picture from Celebrity Vibe and TMZ.com)

Word on the blogosphere from TMZ to Media Takeout to Perez Hilton are all reporting that the woman who called cops in the wee hours of Sunday morning (and whose name LAPD did not disclose) claiming that Brown assaulted her was none other than Rihanna!! Holy.Cow.WTF?!? So both were no-shows at the Grammys, Brown turns himself into the cops, gets released on bail, and everyone has now gone into their respective bomb shelters ... who knows when they'll re-emerge. What does this mean for us? Lots of speculation, innuendos, and rumors.

Chris, Chris, Chris. Really??? Why oh why? You have money, you have fame, and you have a hot girlfriend. I always wanna choke someone, but dang ... show some restraint cuz you'll lose it all in a hot second of rage.

I already had to forgive Clinton for Monica, Kobe for his Colorado bimbo, and T.I. for arming himself with AK-47s allegedly to protect himself. I can't take another idiot.