Brody Is Single Again?!?

Can it be true? Did Brody and all of his hotness finally drop Jayde Nicole? I just read on Pink Is The New Blog that Brody and Jayde have answered the prayers of lonely singles all around the world ... they are back on the market!!

I think its only fair, after all. The world got Megan Fox when she dumped David Silver of 90210 fame, and the ladies got David Silver ... hm, he just doesn't do much for me. And, as a side note, Donna Martin should totally graduate.

So, at least I can now dream about Brody Jenner cuz that man is en fuego sizzling H.O.T. Well, come to think of it, we may have Brody to drool over but the fellas get Jadye Nicole and Megan Fox. Hm, well played, boys. You clearly win this battle 2-1.

RIHANNA, You Are An Idiot.

Are you kidding me, Rihanna??? After receiving a beat down from Chris Brown, you're going back to him? WHY?!? I tried not to believe the earlier reports, but now there are pics of you and Chris getting on and off a private jet TOGETHER?

(report and picture from TMZ.com)

Lady, I just don't get it. You're hot. You're rich. You have millions of adoring fans. And, did I mention you're rich? So, what's the problem here? Why would you want to publicly humiliate yourself while disappointing your millions of adoring fans and asking to get another beating? Cuz, we all know that this isn't the first time and it sure isn't going to be the last time his fist makes contact with your face. If this is the road you intend to head down, I suggest you get insurance on that money maker of yours stat.

Look, I don't know if the rumors are true, but Rihanna, if you're preggers ... you don't need Chris Brown to raise your kid. Even crazy ass Nadya Suleman who is BROKE and mentally unstable thinks she can raise 14 kids alone. Rihanna, I'm pretty sure you can handle one baby with the 4 nannies that you can afford to hire. It'll be alright so suck it up.

Pineapple Express anyone?

Given these tough times, I don't blame anyone who needs to self-medicate. Me included.

I saw this picture from Vanity Fair that made me laugh out loud, and seriously made me feel a hundred times better. If y'all remember, this shot is a parody of the photograph with Kiera Knightly, Tom Ford, and Scarlett Johanssen which was quite provocative. HAHA. Brilliant, people.

And in an effort to be a better person and perhaps have better karma, I shall share the joy.

The original:

The new and improved:

Now this is the kind of genius that deserves a bonus!

WALLSTREET! YIKES!

Holy.Fricken.Cow! The effin Dow Jones industrial average has fallen below the 7000 level. I cannot believe this ... come on, economy!! We cannot handle any more bad news. For the love of all that is good in this world, please PUH-LEASE bounce back soon.

Birthday ... ugh.

What's new? I turned 31. Yeah, 31. Yep, 31 and still completely lost over my career, my love life, and pretty much everything else. I thought my quarter-life crisis happened when I graduated from law school and had a mini panic attack on whether I really wanted to spend the rest of my life practicing law. But, I realize now that my quarter-life crisis is now. And I don't think its going away anytime soon.

I quit my big firm law job at the end of 2007, without realizing that we would be shortly entering the greatest economic depression since the 1930s. And I can't get a job because I've been on a break for too long and the market is now overly saturated with lawyers anyway. Not to mention that I'm pretty sure I don't want to practice law anymore, but won't be hired in any other capacity because companies are risk adverse these days. I have the uncanny ability to find men with the worst commitment issues and decide that they are the loves of my life. All of my girlfriends are married, getting married, have children, or are already pregnant or trying to get pregnant. Which means that even if I wanted to go out to meet new people, there's not many people who want to go out. And, where do the thirties professional crowd hang anyway? So, where does this leave me? With a bottle of jack and pints of ice cream.

I don't know what I'm doing with myself ... and that's awfully scary in this environment. I will continue to cry in my beer and work on discovering the secret recipe to the delicious chicken that is KFC in the meantime.

Edward Cullen is an American Idol?

Randy Jackson and I are totally in sync. What does this mean? It means I should definitely be a judge on this show, cuz we all know that I have my fingers on the pulse of America.

So, American Idol just finished and the last kid on it, Adam Lambert (dude that was a singer in one of my most favorite musicals ever, Wicked), sang the Stones' Satisfaction. The entire time I was saying that he should be cast on Twilight the musical! And then Randy says he was a cross between Mick Jagger, Fall Out Boy, Edward Cullen (!), and My Chemical Romance. HAHA. Major props to me for my deep insight.

What of the others? Did they redeem themselves after the awful 3 beginning singers? Here are my observations:

Allison Irehata: she doesn't just sing ... .girl can saaaannng. Lawd. BUT, I just can't get behind her cuz she looks like she can also be a Bret Michaels Rock of Love chick. Come on! I know she's 16, but hear me out on this ... just picture her with the rest of the Rock of Love girls, drunk, screaming, and of course crying while she tries to rip the weave out of another drunk, screaming, and crying chick. Right?!?

The Corkscrew or Corkskey or whatever her name is girl with the fatty tattoo on her arm: I dig her voice cuz she's got a stank to her that I like, BUT what's up with the weird chicken-duck-tail-wagging move that she was doing during her performance? SO annoying and every time she did it, I wanted to push her. So, I liked you but I can't imagine an entire season watching you do that awful butt shaking move.

I didn't really care for the rest of the "singing" this week. What's up next? THE FINALE OF TOP CHEF! *sigh* I am totally in reality TV heaven right now.

Come On American Idols!

Uh, what the heck is going on American Idol right now?!? We're only three singers in and they all SUCK. Like, embarrassingly suck. Like, you've just brought disgrace to your family kind of suck. Like, time-to-cut-your-hair-and-change-your-appearance kind of suck.

Why am I still watching this show?

Well, there's still an hour and a half left, so I will try to be patient. Please let someone sing a good song or else I will never get these two hours back.