I'm only putting this out there in hopes that you will listen to your own advice. You are Rihanna. Yes, you don't have a black eye or a bloody lip but you have almost 10 years of emotional scarring. I don't know which is worse. Do you really want to get married? Well then, you need to cut him off because he is holding you back. Did we say that I was going to cut you off at 32 or 35? I forgot but I think it was 32, which means you have only this year to get rid of him for good. I mean it! (I'm saying this in a stern voice and mean face.)
Anyway, I don't watch the Bachelor but I keep seeing clips of him making out with girls on tv. He's gross. Also, all the girls look alike to me. Brody Jenner is NOT attractive. Nadya Suleman needs to go away and I'm enjoying American Idol. Man, I've been out of the country for almost two years and I sure did miss reality tv. Do you watch Millionaire Matchmaker? I don't, but isn't that girl with the bangs and big lips annoying? Man, she is up there with Keira Knightley.
Let's see. What have I been doing? I'm at the peak of being the most disgusting person in the world. Husband has to remind me to change my clothes sometimes because I basically live in my grey sweats. Oh, we made an offer on a house this morning. You will be disappointed to know that it is down the street from my mom's house. I secretly hope that we won't get it even though it's the best house we've seen. We went to look at it late last night. All parents along with furry white dog were present...I hate my life. We try to ditch the parents but they keep on inviting themselves to look at houses with us.
Any special plans this week? Oh, I just wanted to tell you that Whitestar was really pleasant this weekend. I enjoyed seeing him but don't tell him I said that. Plus, he's so sweet to you. It's kinda gross, like how we always make the throw up face at people in love. It's okay, you deserve it.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Did You Watch The Bachelor? DRAMA!
Alright, Jason Mesnick is not the "good guy" everyone made him out to be. I get it, dude got dumped by some janky Bachelorette, but this guy went above and beyond the call of douchery on last night's show.
So, here's the recap: Douchebag picks Melissa over Molly; Melissa and D-bag are engaged; hella weeks later, all parties return to After The Rose Finale Show; D-bag dumps Melissa; D-bag confesses his love for Molly; Molly and D-bag are back together.
Yes, three hours of my life that I will never get back.
I was rooting for Molly the entire time, so it was quite shocking when he picked the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader Melissa at the end ... okay, not that shocking cuz she is, after all, a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. Melissa is cute, but she doesn't seem too bright ... kind of reminds me of Audrina from The Hills, don't you think? Plus, all her answers to the Mesnick clan seemed so pageant-like and forced. And, poor Molly! Why beg? Its so unattractive and it never works. Lady, keep it together and have some dignity for gawd's sake ... America is watching.
And, was anyone else annoyed with the Mesnick clan? I, in particular, was not a fan of Mama Mesnick. She was all like "ooohh, Molly's all career-oriented" and "well, you know, Melissa seems more family oriented." HELLO?!? When did those two traits become mutually exclusive? I can have a career AND love my family. It is 2009 people!
I knew this Jason Mesnick character was too good to be true. He does, after all, have an ex-wife and is exploiting his cute little kid for chicks. He faked a relationship with Melissa so that he could dump her on national TV. I mean, what about some notice? Someone sure doesn't understand the concept of saving face. And, if he's all in love with Molly, why'd he break her heart so unnecessarily when he picked Melissa in the first place? AND, he made Molly look all desperate and pathetic, first begging him to pick her and then taking his sorry ass back AFTER he proposed to another chick!
I don't know. I'm gonna call it like I see it, and Jason rates pretty high on the dick-o-meter.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Brody Is Single Again?!?
Can it be true? Did Brody and all of his hotness finally drop Jayde Nicole? I just read on Pink Is The New Blog that Brody and Jayde have answered the prayers of lonely singles all around the world ... they are back on the market!!
I think its only fair, after all. The world got Megan Fox when she dumped David Silver of 90210 fame, and the ladies got David Silver ... hm, he just doesn't do much for me. And, as a side note, Donna Martin should totally graduate.
I think its only fair, after all. The world got Megan Fox when she dumped David Silver of 90210 fame, and the ladies got David Silver ... hm, he just doesn't do much for me. And, as a side note, Donna Martin should totally graduate.
So, at least I can now dream about Brody Jenner cuz that man is en fuego sizzling H.O.T. Well, come to think of it, we may have Brody to drool over but the fellas get Jadye Nicole and Megan Fox. Hm, well played, boys. You clearly win this battle 2-1.
RIHANNA, You Are An Idiot.
Are you kidding me, Rihanna??? After receiving a beat down from Chris Brown, you're going back to him? WHY?!? I tried not to believe the earlier reports, but now there are pics of you and Chris getting on and off a private jet TOGETHER?
(report and picture from TMZ.com)
Lady, I just don't get it. You're hot. You're rich. You have millions of adoring fans. And, did I mention you're rich? So, what's the problem here? Why would you want to publicly humiliate yourself while disappointing your millions of adoring fans and asking to get another beating? Cuz, we all know that this isn't the first time and it sure isn't going to be the last time his fist makes contact with your face. If this is the road you intend to head down, I suggest you get insurance on that money maker of yours stat.
Look, I don't know if the rumors are true, but Rihanna, if you're preggers ... you don't need Chris Brown to raise your kid. Even crazy ass Nadya Suleman who is BROKE and mentally unstable thinks she can raise 14 kids alone. Rihanna, I'm pretty sure you can handle one baby with the 4 nannies that you can afford to hire. It'll be alright so suck it up.
(report and picture from TMZ.com)
Lady, I just don't get it. You're hot. You're rich. You have millions of adoring fans. And, did I mention you're rich? So, what's the problem here? Why would you want to publicly humiliate yourself while disappointing your millions of adoring fans and asking to get another beating? Cuz, we all know that this isn't the first time and it sure isn't going to be the last time his fist makes contact with your face. If this is the road you intend to head down, I suggest you get insurance on that money maker of yours stat.
Look, I don't know if the rumors are true, but Rihanna, if you're preggers ... you don't need Chris Brown to raise your kid. Even crazy ass Nadya Suleman who is BROKE and mentally unstable thinks she can raise 14 kids alone. Rihanna, I'm pretty sure you can handle one baby with the 4 nannies that you can afford to hire. It'll be alright so suck it up.
Pineapple Express anyone?
Given these tough times, I don't blame anyone who needs to self-medicate. Me included.
I saw this picture from Vanity Fair that made me laugh out loud, and seriously made me feel a hundred times better. If y'all remember, this shot is a parody of the photograph with Kiera Knightly, Tom Ford, and Scarlett Johanssen which was quite provocative. HAHA. Brilliant, people.
And in an effort to be a better person and perhaps have better karma, I shall share the joy.
The original:
The new and improved:
I saw this picture from Vanity Fair that made me laugh out loud, and seriously made me feel a hundred times better. If y'all remember, this shot is a parody of the photograph with Kiera Knightly, Tom Ford, and Scarlett Johanssen which was quite provocative. HAHA. Brilliant, people.
And in an effort to be a better person and perhaps have better karma, I shall share the joy.
The original:
The new and improved:
Now this is the kind of genius that deserves a bonus!
WALLSTREET! YIKES!
Holy.Fricken.Cow! The effin Dow Jones industrial average has fallen below the 7000 level. I cannot believe this ... come on, economy!! We cannot handle any more bad news. For the love of all that is good in this world, please PUH-LEASE bounce back soon.
Birthday ... ugh.
What's new? I turned 31. Yeah, 31. Yep, 31 and still completely lost over my career, my love life, and pretty much everything else. I thought my quarter-life crisis happened when I graduated from law school and had a mini panic attack on whether I really wanted to spend the rest of my life practicing law. But, I realize now that my quarter-life crisis is now. And I don't think its going away anytime soon.
I quit my big firm law job at the end of 2007, without realizing that we would be shortly entering the greatest economic depression since the 1930s. And I can't get a job because I've been on a break for too long and the market is now overly saturated with lawyers anyway. Not to mention that I'm pretty sure I don't want to practice law anymore, but won't be hired in any other capacity because companies are risk adverse these days. I have the uncanny ability to find men with the worst commitment issues and decide that they are the loves of my life. All of my girlfriends are married, getting married, have children, or are already pregnant or trying to get pregnant. Which means that even if I wanted to go out to meet new people, there's not many people who want to go out. And, where do the thirties professional crowd hang anyway? So, where does this leave me? With a bottle of jack and pints of ice cream.
I don't know what I'm doing with myself ... and that's awfully scary in this environment. I will continue to cry in my beer and work on discovering the secret recipe to the delicious chicken that is KFC in the meantime.
I quit my big firm law job at the end of 2007, without realizing that we would be shortly entering the greatest economic depression since the 1930s. And I can't get a job because I've been on a break for too long and the market is now overly saturated with lawyers anyway. Not to mention that I'm pretty sure I don't want to practice law anymore, but won't be hired in any other capacity because companies are risk adverse these days. I have the uncanny ability to find men with the worst commitment issues and decide that they are the loves of my life. All of my girlfriends are married, getting married, have children, or are already pregnant or trying to get pregnant. Which means that even if I wanted to go out to meet new people, there's not many people who want to go out. And, where do the thirties professional crowd hang anyway? So, where does this leave me? With a bottle of jack and pints of ice cream.
I don't know what I'm doing with myself ... and that's awfully scary in this environment. I will continue to cry in my beer and work on discovering the secret recipe to the delicious chicken that is KFC in the meantime.
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